It would be nearly impossible to quantify the number of weapons available across all video games across all platforms. We’ve seen them come in all shapes, sizes, functions and forms. Trying to measure the amount of destruction we’ve doled out to enemies in the history of video games is like trying to put a fence around the universe…it ain’t happenin’.
But some weapons hold a special place in our hearts. Well…maybe our right frontal lobe would be more apropos. That’s the part of the brain that registers when we find something to be funny. And that’s just what this list has to do with…the things we find funny. Now that you’ve had your anatomy lesson for the day, here is a list of 10 video game weapons that will keep us laughing forever.
10. Super Slicer
Honestly, the Dead Rising series probably has 10 weapons of its own that have busted our collective guts at one point or another. But in my opinion. Dark Rising 2’s Super Slicer stands alone among the rest. Seriously, look at this thing. It’s a friggin’ lawnmower blade mounted on top of what looks like a friggin’ Lego head. But not only does it look preposterous, it’s highly-functional and demolishes hordes of zombies when you charge headfirst into a crowd.
Perhaps one of the most underrated duos to rival the camaraderie and effectiveness of Batman & Robin, Ratchet & Clank are nothing short of (inter)stellar. The Lombax and his trusty – sometimes sarcastic – robot buddy have long been master heroes amongst the stars. While they’ve brandished countless quirky weapons, one of the best is the Sheepinator. You can’t tell me turning a rampaging mob of aliens into simple farm animals isn’t one of the most hilarious battle tactics in the gaming universe. While not used too often in high-tension situations, the Sheepinator is an excellent way to humiliate the enemy while getting a giggle or two now and then.
8. Gun Chucks
Guns? Classic and reliable. Nunchucks? Ninja-approved. Put them together and what do you get? That’s right, you get Gun Chucks. The absurdity of Gun Chucks is matched only by the game it hails from, Bayonetta. With its fair share of folly, Bayonetta is one of the only games that would have a character use her own hair to make a weapon such as gun chucks. Respect.
7. Cat Silencer
In the wake of an apocalypse, nothing is off-limits. And for those hoping to survive, it better mean desperation breeds innovation. In the world of Postal 2, that innovation comes in the form of the Cat Silencer. This concoction of feline and shotgun feels wrong but oh so right. If survival requires mounting a cat to the end of a gun through its rear end and blasting away nine shots – an ammo limit a cat-themed weapon would have – then so be it. And we will cackle whilst we meow down the baddies. (I couldn’t resist please keep reading)
6. Hand Cannon
As dark and eerie as Deep Space 2 gets, lightening up the mood whenever possible is always welcomed. Thanks to the Hand Cannon (a.k.a foam finger), deep space can bring us laughter while slaying alien lifeforms. After beating the game in Hard Core Mode, players will unlock the fan-favorite that goes “BANG,” “pew pew,” and kills enemies instantly by dismembering them on the spot. While this lethal joke weapon comes in at six, it was difficult not to make this weapon number one on the list just on principle alone.
Maybe it’s my Ratchet & Clank bias, but the Groovitron weapon is as entertaining as they come. Firing a flashing disco ball into an oncoming assault can stop enemies in their tracks and send them into a dancing frenzy that would make John Travolta proud. The Groovitron is also more effective than one may think, as it’s great for escaping when you’re in a pinch. Pair usability with hilarity and you understand why the Groovitron makes everyone hustle to acquire it.
4. Mr. Toots
Next up is Red Faction: Armageddon’s ultra-popular Mr. Toots. The weaponized unicorn with a plasma vaporizer for a butt is not silent but most certainly deadly. We do feel a little sorry for Mr. Toots as he seems to be extremely uncomfortable when being discharged. But that’s the price you pay when you’ve got a highly destructive and accurate backside. Not only is the firing of Mr. Toots hysterical, but the aftermath is just as amusing (spoiler alert: it’s rainbows and butterflies.) What a hoot!
3. Concrete Donkey
Okay, I know what you’re thinking, “what’s up with all this stuff about rear ends?” It’s not like that. This section covers a weapon that’s an actual…ahem…ass — of the donkey variety. The Concrete Donkey is one of, if not the, most powerful weapon available in the game Worms. Quite literally a concrete donkey, the bludgeoning weapon is dropped from the sky and crushes worms at even the lowest depths of the earth. On top of it doling out tons of damage, it’s the resident deity of the game. A donkey statue. That crushes worms. You can’t make this stuff up, people.
2. Happy Bubble Blaster
Unlike most weapons, the Happy Bubble Blaster in Just Cause 2 dishes out zero damage. So why make it? Well…for lack of a better phrase, just cause. Thankfully players have the capability of carrying 700 rounds of ammunition, which is like having 700 cans of O’Doules in hopes of achieving intoxication.
1. Lethal Hand Chop
If you know, you know. Running around karate chopping enemies in James Bond’s Goldeneye story or multiplayer mode resulted in an unequivocally brutal side-splitting affair. My friends and I would lunge at each other, all chopping with tension and ferocity in hopes of taking the other person out. Choosing the hand chop as the only weapon available resulted in temporarily-destroyed friendships, strengthened bonds and an endless amount of howling.
There we have it, my top ten weapons that have and will always bring out the best laughs in all of us. If you didn’t see a weapon on this list that you feel should have made the cut, feel free to drop them in the comments below! And with that, stay laughing, my friends.